The Second Draft

Use this section for any discussion specifically related to the chapters posted online of the unfolding biography, "Defying Gravity: The Parallel Universe of T. Townsend Brown
Paul S.
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The Second Draft

Post by Paul S. »

There were a couple of posts exchanged today re: what considerations should go into the impending re-write of the material that has already been posted.

The conversation started with something I posted here:

viewtopic.php?p=12871#12871

...and continues with a reply from Mikado and another from Victoria.

First, I posted:
Paul S wrote: I'm just not entirely certain what "Phase Two" is going to be yet. I know that part of it is reckoning with what has been done and finding the way forward.

To that end, I've had all the chapters compiled into a single document.

Would you believe 550 pages??

I'll be there's a really solid 250-300 pages in there. The challenge is (still?) identifying the unifying themes, and making sure that whatever editing takes place from here serves the purpose of amplifying those themes. I'm trying to find somebody to help me with modifying the code for the forums so that I can start (and moderate) a new 'Golden Threads' topic.

The dialog that has continued since that "last chapter" was posted continues to be very valuable. You guys keep picking up on "markers" that have been left along the trail and are worthy of further examination. I'm following a lot of your leads, even if I don't comment on all of them.
Then Mikado replied:
Mikado14 wrote:Well, the first thing to be edited out are the chapters were you stepped out as the writer and addressed the reader directly as to your position. I would assume, from reading your other book, that that would be deleted.
To which Victoria responded:
Victoria Steele wrote:I LIKED it when you turned to your readers and spoke what you were thinking. Thats some of the best part of it all, how this story is striking you and changing you as you continue on the journey! Cause you are sort of speaking for us too. We become more involved through your eyes.
To which I'd have to say: I'm with Victoria on this one.

I came to the conclusion a while back that there are actually THREE story lines which need to be woven together somehow to make this work. There is the Primary "Townsend and Josephine" story line; there is the secondary "Morgan and Linda" story line; and there is the "Paul and the Story" story line, which in its own way reveals as much about this story as either of the other two story lines.

The nature of this story is contained not only in the primary narrative, but in the WAY that narrative was revealed: the fits and starts, the dead ends and cul-de-sacs, the the leads that spun off into thin air, etc. More importantly, the relationships that I formed along the way: with Linda, with Morgan and "Boston," and even to some extent with you all here, I think are an important component of what makes the whole thing breathe.

I also think that there is some roughness, some unevenness, in how that angle is expressed. It starts with those "Notes from the Rabbit Hole" chapters -- where, as Mikado points out, I was deliberately stepping out of the other story lines and describing my own experience.

But after Lt. Brown resigned from the Navy in 1942, I declared that was the end of "Part 1: White" and the beginning of "Part 2: Black" -- because that is the beginning of the time when Townsend Brown's activities really went behind the curtain. "It's all 'Rabbit Hole' from here on out," I think I wrote, and then I just started slipping into the first person when ever it suited the situation.

That's a kind of inconsistent approach, and I have to find a more consistent way of handling those voices the next time around. But I think that perspective is indispensable, that describing the difficulty in getting ANY of this story is as much very much a part of the story, and says as much about the story as any of the actual anecdotes or accounts.

I'm curious to hear what other who have been along for the ride think along these lines.

--PS
Paul Schatzkin
aka "The Perfesser"
"At some point we have to deal with the facts, not what we want to believe is true." -- Jack Bauer
kevin.b
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Post by kevin.b »

Paul,
Don't try to fix that which is not broken.
Your involvement with this book, not just your wonderfull grasp of words is central to the book, it's human, alive, and You as much as anything shines through.
We are all experiencing the dead ends, the sudden scent of the fox , as we all go chasing after something, perhaps you will need to fully explain this to a new audience of readers as a preface to the finished book, that you were not alone with the content details , and that things suddenly bubbling up do so at their own time, so the whole book is not about linear smooth timing of the life of TT Brown, I doubt you have actually finished , just as any great film doesn't, it has part two almost ready as part one is been screened.
kevin
fibonacci is king
Mikado14
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Post by Mikado14 »

A 550 page biography, in general, is a tough sell. Are all stories told at a single campfire or over a few? Perhaps the title should be modified? Perhaps it should lean more to you, such as , " The Quest for a Parallel Universe" or "In Search of T. Townsend Brown".

I always thought this was going to be a biography but this "ugly duckling" has grown into something else. The mix of a biographical story line, then the interjection of a second story line and thirdly, the writers tribulations in putting it all together modifies the original biography into something else.

I agree, this thread is necessary. Personally, I like to sleep on things for 3 three days before making a decision or the signing of any legal documents. I would suggest a longer period.

In any event, I owe you a banana split or whatever of your choice someday.

Mikado
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
Victoria Steele
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all in the name!

Post by Victoria Steele »

Damn Mikado, just when I am already to chew on your leg on another subject you come along with this brilliant suggestion in this direction.

If ever you listened to any one of us Paul. Listen to Mikado here! What you have been involved in here has been a QUEST. A quest for a parallel universe. In search of Thomas Townsend Brown. The entire book is captured in THAT NAME.

Cook called his a HUNT but you see he was only looking at the nuts and bolts and missing entirely that this thing had another element to it. The element of a VISION QUEST.

SO I AGREE WITH THE NEW NAME ENTIRELY MIKADO. CASTING MY VOTE THERE.....Victoria
Victoria Steele
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keep breathing

Post by Victoria Steele »

And just this last agreement here. We have all figured out, if we have been involved in this forum long enough that something very special was being demonstrated here. Perhaps in a hundred years it will be better understood but for now all we know is that we are like windchimes responding to this magic ... some sort of " breath" of a living thing .... and you don't want to lose that feeling because thats what this whole thing is really all about, seeing and feeling that this experience has been a sort of partnership with the forum which has responded each in its own way to this strange unseen wind. You said it better Paul ... the NATURE of your story.

"The nature of this story is contained not only in the primary narrative, but in the WAY that narrative was revealed: the fits and starts, the dead ends and cul-de-sacs, the the leads that spun off into thin air, etc. More importantly, the relationships that I formed along the way: with Linda, with Morgan and "Boston," and even to some extent with you all here, I think are an important component of what makes the whole thing breathe"

Victoria
FM No Static At All
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Post by FM No Static At All »

Paul, the advice and comments here can only be echoed by me since I agree with the assessments regarding the stories, the narratives, and the approach you use to present it all.

Most often I cannot read a biography even when the subject is so fascinating to me because the author presents it in such a dry and monotonous fashion. You sir, have kept us all anticipating each successive installment and now we all feel like we "need" more even after the epilogue is posted.

A rewrite should be to add content that was obtained after first edition, correct grammatical or typographical errors, or provide continuity where it may be lacking. Without actual galley pages, camera ready for the printer, it seems to me that perhaps only some minor fixing is required by the perfectionist in the author.

As someone said in a previous post, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Fred
Elizabeth Helen Drake
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all I see that is needed

Post by Elizabeth Helen Drake »

Paul,

After watching the development of this project closely I only have one suggestion.

Just go back over the earlier parts and read them back to yourself then ask yourself ... "does this sound like me?"

I mean . Does this sound like the writer that I have become during this process? Because the man who started this book and the man who finished this book ( well, almost) are in the same body but not the same man. And I rather like this latest version.

You went in search of Linda Browns father .... and yours ..... and you found yourself. Elizabeth
Mikado14
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Re: all I see that is needed

Post by Mikado14 »

Elizabeth Helen Drake wrote: You went in search of Linda Browns father .... and yours ..... and you found yourself. Elizabeth
Well put my dear, well put. Someday I gotta meet you.

Mikado
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
Trickfox
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WHAT the BLEEP

Post by Trickfox »

Kevin....
Can you explain what you mean here?
What does a "dead end" have to do with the scent of a fox?

Trickfox
The psychopropulsier (as pointed out in the book The Good-bye man by Linda Brown and Jan Lofton) is a Quantum entanglement project under development using Quantum Junctions. Join us at http://www.Peeteelab.com
kevin.b
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Post by kevin.b »

Trickfox,
Possibly should have said it the other way around,
the sudden scent of the fox, leading to dead ends.
I am constantly following things , only to find myself in a sort of dead end, I just turn around and find the scent again.
The beauty of this book and forum is that so many alternative leads are thrown about, but the crafty fox often just stands still whilst the hounds go pounding right past him/her.
We could possibly do with looking through all the threads again , collectively, with the benifit of all the scent trails we have covered and see if the fox lost us in any of them?
kevin
fibonacci is king
Trickfox
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Post by Trickfox »

Oh......Ok.... I see your point.

Trickfox
The psychopropulsier (as pointed out in the book The Good-bye man by Linda Brown and Jan Lofton) is a Quantum entanglement project under development using Quantum Junctions. Join us at http://www.Peeteelab.com
Elizabeth Helen Drake
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an excellent idea

Post by Elizabeth Helen Drake »

Thats an excellent idea kevin. Reviewing the chapters and commenting on them with the new eyes that we have now instead of the eyes that we had then. Amazing probably the number of hunkered down foxes that we went streaming past! But now we have better eyes and a better nose for the scent!

And the forum is already set up to do that. Heres my suggestion. We make our comments on the threads devoted to the chapter itself and then if something strikes any one of us that would relate to the new version of the book we can haul that discussion back to this spot. That way we can continue " talking amongst ourselves" ion the chapter threads but when we have a direct change in mind or comment to Paul we can come back here.

I think that rereading the threads would be invaluable because the fleeting thoughts that struck us all then can now be better seen. Am I on the beam?

Paul ..... you are the MFH ( thats Master of Foxhounds for those who don't recognize it!) Cast us out there and see what we come up with! I trust all the time that there is the " Whip" galloping hard on that grey he likes so much ... to show us the best line.

I'm .... whats the " proper" term? Gone Away! Elizabeth
twigsnapper
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hounds, horses, a single fox

Post by twigsnapper »

Just remember dear, when the path seems too fast and too easy, you have latched onto a different fox that has it in mind to lead you right to a mastifs doorway or perhaps a fourlane highway so keep a good look for things that do not have the right scent . Soon you will run into alot of different fox lairs and each one has a different style. You want to keep your eye and your nose to that suble scent.

And you already know I prefer greys, so yes, I will be there, riding hard.

twigsnapper
Radomir
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agreed

Post by Radomir »

I agree with EHD's earlier post about the beginning chapters "author's voice" shifting significantly by the end of the book. In the first sections you were still getting your metaphorical arms around this whole thing, so it may be that the most significant re-writes will be to make the tone consistent throughout.

In the roulette wheel that can be the publishing business, let us ALL use whatever psychic and direct influence we may have at our disposal to get you the best possible editor for this book's purposes. Will take a rather unique outlook --over and above the usual wide panoply of skills needed for a stellar editor-- to handle this material with the appropriate respect & passion to make this book as successful as possible. Maybe your "covert mentors" can use some of their intelligence to help you locate one or more good candidates?

As also mentioned above, it does feel time to reread the entire thing and make comments now that we all have the perspective of the entire arc of (what we have so far of, any way) the story.

R.
Mikado14
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Re: agreed

Post by Mikado14 »

Radomir wrote:I agree with EHD's earlier post about the beginning chapters "author's voice" shifting significantly by the end of the book. In the first sections you were still getting your metaphorical arms around this whole thing, so it may be that the most significant re-writes will be to make the tone consistent throughout.

In the roulette wheel that can be the publishing business, let us ALL use whatever psychic and direct influence we may have at our disposal to get you the best possible editor for this book's purposes. Will take a rather unique outlook --over and above the usual wide panoply of skills needed for a stellar editor-- to handle this material with the appropriate respect & passion to make this book as successful as possible. Maybe your "covert mentors" can use some of their intelligence to help you locate one or more good candidates?

As also mentioned above, it does feel time to reread the entire thing and make comments now that we all have the perspective of the entire arc of (what we have so far of, any way) the story.

R.
Damn Boy, you should be writing legal documents.

Mikado
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy
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